


Theatrics

by d00m



Series: Black and Blue (and a little Red too) [1]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Genre: Crack, Drabble, M/M, pitiful attempt at humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 03:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d00m/pseuds/d00m
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blake was positive that despite all of his years of training; Bane had not been prepared for that.  </p>
<p>But wasn't he the one who said that theatricality was a powerful agent?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Theatrics

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick humor drabble that popped into my head. 
> 
> It's a little fluffy and a little crack-ey but the idea made me laugh. 
> 
> Why is Bane with Blake? I don't even know. 
> 
> Non Beta'd

****  
  
  
  
  
Blake wasn’t sure why Bane insisted on sparring with him.  
  
Because it wasn’t sparring. It was Blake lying on the floor while the terrorist used him as a glorified punching bag. It didn’t help that Bane got pissed off and kept trying to give him ‘pointers’ about how to stand or counter while the younger man was still retching on the floor after a particiularily vicious fist to the somach. Usually, Blake would get so exhausted he would just try to wrestle and hold on; using feeble moves he’s seen on TV somewhere (although he was sure those were fake; his childhood was a lie). But, he usually just ended up being pinned in some embarrassing and excruciating position; then more “advice” would follow.  
  
 _“You should never rely on brute strength alone Detective; there are other ways to defeat an enemy.”_  
  
 _“Like what you sack of shit?” Blake hissed; his voice muffled by the dirt floor he was currently eating._  
  
 _Bane chuckled; like he always did when Blake would cuss at him._  
  
 _He had him flat on his stomach and was straddling his back. One hand had his face pinned in the dirt the other had his arm bent behind him. Bane leaned forward, positioning the mouthpiece of his mask close to his ear._  
  
 _“Theatricality and deception are powerful agents; you can use them to surprize or lead your enemies astray which can put you at an advantage.”_  
  
 _“What am I supposed to do? Slap on a pair of tights and recite Shakespeare?”_  
  
 _“Not exactly.”_  
  
 _Blake continued to thrash and spout filth that would make a sailor gape in horror while Bane simply twisted his arm to make him squirm even more... laughing at him._  
  
  
That had been yesterday; today was no better. Bane had him pinned but this time he had one of his massive arms wrapped around Blake’s head in a chokehold; with his face being mashed against his shirtless chest near his armpit (Bane always insisted on the sixth rule of Fight Club). Blake flailed wildly but to no avail while he felt the air slowly being squeezed out of him. Bane was goading him on; mocking his feeble attempts of escape which only made him rage even more. This was humiliating and franky; Blake was tired and on the verge of passing out; eternally grateful that the terrorist bathed regularly.  
  
He smelled like wet leather and rusty metal; which wasn’t an entirely pleasant aroma but Blake would rather be forced to smell that that than any form of body odor.  
  
That’s when the idea struck him.  
  
It was borderline insane but Blake wasn’t exactly in any condition to form rational thoughts; he blamed the lack of oxygen.  
  
Without further thought Blake **licked** him.  
  
Literally.  
  
He tasted the exact same way he smelled but with a sort of medical tang which he assumed was from Bane’s body sweating out the analgesic in his mask.  
  
Blake never thought he would put so much thought into the way someone’s sweat tasted.  
  
Bane on the other hand made the strangest sound he had ever heard in his life. It sounded like a mixture of “ah” and “gnuh” and Blake was sure whatever foreign language came  rasping out of his mask afterwards was laced with foul language. He felt himself being rudely shoved away; sweet freedom! But sadly the lack of oxygen caused him to stagger and fall unceremoniously on his ass.  
  
But that wasn’t the end of it.  
  
The terrorist was looking at him like he had suddenly sprouted horns. It was the first time he ever thought he saw Bane confused or surprised. Blake was positive that despite all of his years of training; Bane had not been prepared for that which filled him with a small sense of pride despite the depravity of the act itself.   
  
“What was that?”  
  
“You said theatricality was a powerful agent.” he replied; his voice hoarse from almost being smothered.  
  
“You licked me.”  
  
If it wasn’t for the metallic distort of the mask he would have thought Bane sounded alarmed.  
  
“Yeah, I’m glad you showered today.”  
  
Bane frowned at him and shook his head; disappointed.  
  
Was there no pleasing this guy?  
  
“How is tasting someone theatrical, Detective?”  
  
Blake rolled his eyes and struggled to his feet. He felt grimy and light headed; what was worse he could still had _eau de Bane_   in his mouth. But never the less he still felt pretty good despite Bane’s displeasure.  
  
“It got you to let me go didn’t it?”  
  
Bane paused for a moment; his brow furrowed; he stepped towards him for a moment before pausing and looking away.  
  
“Indeed Detective, it did.”  
  
John Blake: one; Bane: one hundred and seventy three. One was still better than zero in Blake’s eyes. The younger man became giddy; postively beaming he wanted to celebrate or to laugh right in Bane's face.    
  
“But, you forgot about deception.”  
  
Shit.  
  
Before Blake could react Bane pounced and he was sent sprawling with a fist to the face. He fell and rolled out of the way before his opponent could pull him  up for another knuckle sandwich but before he could find his feet he was tackled and pinned again; his mouth firmly pressed into the dirt.  
  
Either Bane had phenomenal recovery time or he was pretty used to people licking him. The second thought made something squirm inside of him with discomfort. But at least he learned something new today. He made a mental note to  try groping Bane next time; just to see what that would lead to. 

But then again the very thought of getting anywhere near Bane's crotch was something else entirely.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't try this at home. You might catch something. 
> 
> Bane calling Blake "Detective" is a throwback to what Ra's usually called Bruce Wayne in the comics. 
> 
> The Sixth Rule of Fight Club is no shoes and no shirt.


End file.
